1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage
Will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the
Pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
After you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it
Shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


9. Don’t let the bottom fall out of your world ,
when you can drink syrup of figs and
let the world fall out of your bottom