I bought some evaporated milk the other day, but when I opened the tin there was still some left.

Just been offered a 42" Plasma Television for 100 Quid.
Only problem is the volume control is broken,
I thought **** it, at that price you can't turn it down.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other



"Does this taste funny to you?"

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you £800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?'

A man goes into a bar with a newt on his shoulder."I'll have a pint of beer & a glass of orange for Tiny here". "Why is he called Tiny" asks the barman. The man replies "Because he's my newt".